This is our third message in Matthew 19 on marriage and divorce. The subject came up in Jesus’ teaching because in Matthew 19:3, the Pharisees came to test Jesus by asking Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matt. 19:3). As we have said, their question exposed not only their position on the matter but their hard-heartedness.
In His answer, Jesus took them back to the very beginning—to God’s creation of man and woman in the first two chapters of Genesis.
We are in Matthew 19, continuing where we left off last time. Remember in Matthew 19:1-6, the Pharisees came to test Jesus by asking Him about a religiously, politically, and emotionally charged issue: the subject of divorce. I realize that for many of you, the subject of divorce is a sensitive subject. Divorce has affected most every family whether directly or through parents, siblings, or children. I have no desire to add to the pain and grief of your situation. I simply desire to preach what the word of God says. And I pray that the Lord speaks conviction and comfort to our hearts through it.
In Jesus’ day, the issue of divorce was politically charged because Herod, the ruler of this area of Judea, had lustfully taken his brother’s wife as his own. When John the Baptist condemned him for this, Herod had John imprisoned and executed. The Pharisees would have relished seeing Jesus face the same fate. The issue was religiously charged because the Pharisees, knowing Jesus would likely take a firm stance against divorce (He had already done so in the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:32), hoped to accuse Jesus of contradicting the Law of Moses. Therefore, they asked Jesus, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matt. 19:3).
As we come to Matthew 19 today, we enter a new section in our study of Matthew. You may remember that Matthew organized his Gospel around alternating sections of teaching and narrative. Matthew 19:1 indicates the end of the previous teaching section with the familiar words, “…when Jesus had finished these sayings…” (cf. Matt. 7:28; 11:1; 13:53; 26:1). The “sayings” that Jesus had just finished uttering were the things that He taught in Matthew 18—sayings that concerned His love and watchful care for those who are His “little ones” by faith. Our relationship with Christ must determine our relationships with each other. We saw that Jesus receives humble, child-like believers and so must we (Matt. 18:5). Because Jesus loves His little ones who believe in Him, He takes sin seriously, and so should we (Matt. 18:6-9). God is not willing that even one of His little ones should perish, so He seeks to restore the wandering sheep, and so should we (Matt. 18:10-20). And because God offers unlimited forgiveness, so should we.
The narrative section that begins in Matthew 19:1 will take us all the way to Jerusalem and the events that precede Jesus’ crucifixion. Matthew writes, “Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there.” (Matt. 19:1-2). Jesus’ Galilean ministry has come to an end. He will not return to Galilee again until after His resurrection. As Jesus approaches Judea and Jerusalem, the opposition He had been facing from the Jewish religious leaders will intensify. “They are on a collision course, the religious leaders wanting to get rid of Jesus, and Jesus knowing He came to die at their hands.”[1] But Jesus still has much ministry to do and much to teach His disciples before He goes to the cross.
In Matthew 19:3-12, Jesus teaches about marriage, divorce, and singleness in response to questions about these issues.
This week Kathy and I will be celebrating our 38th wedding anniversary. Of all the decisions a person makes in life, getting married is one of the most important. No matter how it goes, marriage changes you forever. A happy marriage is one of the greatest blessings you can have on this earth. On the other hand, an unhappy marriage is something else. It is tragic that what God meant for love and fulfillment so often can degenerate into a non-relationship of bitterness, discord, and despair.[1]
In our passage from Matthew 5:31-32 today, Jesus teaches about marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Divorce is a controversial and complex subject because it touches people’s emotions at a deep level.[2] Almost all of us here today have been directly or indirectly affected by divorce. For some, this subject brings up painful memories and deep personal losses. It may call to mind periods of life that involve deep and abiding regrets. If you have a divorce in your past this sermon is not meant to pick on you. The divorced are not second-class citizens in the kingdom of God, nor is divorce an unforgivable sin. It is my desire this morning to minister to those who have failed in marriage and to give practical instruction to those seeking to be faithful in their current marriage.
It is good to remember that these words on marriage and divorce are the words of our wonderful, loving, forgiving Savior Jesus. He is the holy Son of God who loved us enough to die for our sins while we were still sinners. There isn’t anyone who could teach us about this subject with more grace and goodness than Jesus. I believe that the teaching of Jesus on this and every subject is good—intrinsically good, good for individuals, and good for society. Jesus only desires good for those who love Him, and He’s always ready to forgive us our sins and to help us live in righteousness by His life-changing grace.[3]
These two verses on marriage, divorce, and remarriage are a part of the Sermon on the Mount in which Jesus contrasts the ‘letter of the law’ that the scribes and Pharisees taught concerning God’s commandments with the true ‘spirit’ of God’s commandments. The scribes and Pharisees believed that they were sufficiently righteous if they just observed the letter of the law according to their man-made rules. If they didn’t actually take someone’s physical life, they thought they were innocent with respect to the command against murder. Or if they hadn’t slept with another man’s wife, they thought they were innocent with respect to the command against adultery.
But Jesus calls His disciples to a righteousness that exceeds the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees (Matt. 5:20). He calls them to obey the true spirit of God’s commandments. He taught that, unless someone refrains from being resentfully angry toward another, or from calling them names, or from despising them in their heart, then they are guilty of murder in the heart. He taught that, unless someone refrained from lusting after another woman in his heart, he was guilty of adultery in the heart. And the same sort of thing is going on in this morning’s passage regarding marriage.
God calls people to faithfulness in their commitment to the covenant of marriage. But again, the scribes and Pharisees were focused on the letter of the law and not its true spirit. In the previous passage, Matthew 5:27-30, Christ corrected the Pharisees’ view on adultery saying that if one lusted in his heart, he had already committed adultery. Here in Matthew 5:31-32, he corrects their permissive view of divorce which also resulted in adultery.
As Jesus has done with murder and adultery, He first states the error that was being taught about marriage and divorce.
1. The wrong view of marriage and divorce (Matt. 5:31).
Jesus taught, “Furthermore it has been said, “Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce” (Matt. 5:31). Most scholars believe that the scribes and Pharisees drew this principle from Deuteronomy 24:1-4. In that passage, it says,
When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance (Deut. 24:1-4).
The point of this Old Testament passage was to regulate remarriage in the case where a man divorces his wife. It basically says, that if a man and wife are married, and he finds some indecency in her, and he gives her divorce papers and sends her away, and if she goes and marries another man who finds the same problem and he sends her away, then the first husband can’t have her back, because she has been defiled. That passage is not teaching about the act of divorce, but rather it is teaching that divorce causes adultery.
The rabbis and scribes read into that passage that God was only concerned that in their divorce, they should be sure and give a certificate. They taught from this passage that if a man simply gave his wife a legal certificate of divorce, that was all that was required for the marriage bond to be broken. A certificate of divorce is mentioned twice in it, but its importance to the point of this passage is only incidental. A certificate of divorce was a way of providing a woman with a valid document that certified that a divorce from her former husband had legally occurred. But from that, the scribes and Pharisees developed the principle that whoever wished to divorce his wife is commanded to simply give her a certificate of divorce; and that was sufficient to break the marriage bond. Such a man was then free to marry another if he wished. Jesus is going to show that they missed the whole point and were twisting scripture to excuse their sin.
Their scripture twisting becomes clear when we look at the other passage in Matthew where Jesus teaches about marriage and divorce. It seems there was a long-standing debate among the Jewish rabbis in our Lord’s day about this subject of divorce that may have been behind this interpretation of the scribes and Pharisees. We read about it in Matthew 19; “Now it came to pass, when Jesus had finished these sayings, that He departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And great multitudes followed Him, and He healed them there. The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?’” (Matt. 19:1-3).
You see, there were two main schools of thought on this and they both looked back to the words of that Deuteronomy 24 passage that spoke of a man divorcing his wife because he had found “some uncleanness” in her. The literal meaning of the Hebrew phrase was “some nakedness“; and it ordinarily meant some kind of sexual immorality. The teaching of one famous rabbi had been to follow that understanding somewhat literally. According to this school, divorce could only happen in the case of some kind of sexual unfaithfulness being found in her. The teaching of another famous rabbi, however, had been that the words “some uncleanness” should be understood in a much broader way; that is, that a husband could present his wife with a divorce for anything about her that the husband found to be ‘unseemly’ or ‘embarrassing’ even if she simply spoiled the cooking. Another rabbi took that broader interpretation even further; interpreting the phrase about the woman who “finds no favor” in her husband’s “eyes” to mean a divorce was allowable if the husband found another woman to be more attractive than her.[4] As you can imagine, the broader interpretation had come to rule the day. But in Deuteronomy 24 God was not saying a husband could send a wife away for embarrassing him, He was merely pointing out that that is why most women were being sent away, and that was causing adultery.
Jesus’ answer is very instructive to us. They asked if it was allowable to divorce one’s wife for any reason, but He answered them by pointing them back to God’s original intention in marriage. He said, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:4-6). The Pharisees were preoccupied with the grounds for divorce; Jesus with the institution of marriage.[5] He emphasized that the real issue wasn’t divorce, but commitment to the covenant of marriage.
Jesus took them back to Genesis 1 and 2 to see marriage as God had originally designed it at creation. God’s plan was to make human beings “male and female.” God intentionally made two different genders. Adam was created prior to Eve. As God surveyed His creation, He knew that it was not good for Adam to be alone. God chose to create a wife, for Adam. Gen.2:18 says, “And the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” God made the woman as one “corresponding to, agreeing with, a counterpart, opposite and equal to” the man.
God’s purpose for marriage is that “a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:5). God’s design was for them to come together in marriage and create the family. They were to leave father and mother because the relationship with their spouse took priority over any other human relationship. A man was to cleave to his wife. This literally has the idea of “sticking like glue.” It reveals an intentional desire to unite as one. This “one flesh” union includes their physical union which results in procreation, but it also involves a uniting of their whole selves: heart, soul, mind, and body. They are to share the same goals and work together as one for the common good of the family. Married couples no longer operate independently. They are one in the eyes of God.
And then Jesus added a comment about the permanence of marriage, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6). Marriage is to be permanent because it is God Himself who joins the husband and wife in marriage, and no one, not even themselves have the authority to break that covenant.
At this point in Matthew 19, the Pharisees raised a question: “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” (Matt. 19:7) And this is where they erred. The Pharisees called Moses’ provision for divorce a command; Jesus called it a concession to the hardness of human hearts.[6] Moses never “commanded” divorce in that passage, but only regulated it. They not only emphasized the letter of the law over the spirit; they didn’t even have the letter of the law right! The Pharisees taught that divorce was fine, so long as you did it the proper way and gave the woman the right paperwork.
However, Jesus stressed to them that, even in the case of unfaithfulness, divorce wasn’t “commanded”. It was only “permitted”. Jesus told them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matt. 19:8-9).
It was not God’s intention that divorce occur. It was only permitted because of the hardness of their sinful hearts. And even then, it was only permitted in the case of sexual sin. God’s great example is not divorce, nor is it hard-heartedness. His great example is one of tender-heartedness, pursuing grace, forgiveness, and reconciliation; because He is a God of commitment to the covenant bond of love.
The Pharisees thought that a simple letter of divorce was sufficient to end the bond of marriage. They thought divorce was okay for any reason, so long as you make it legal. But Jesus shows that this clearly was not so. This leads us, then, to . . .
2. Jesus’ view on divorce and remarriage (Matt. 5:32).
Jesus says in our passage this morning, “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.” Here, Jesus is teaching that very same truth that the Old Testament taught—that divorce causes adultery. He is teaching us that a husband and a wife are joined together by a bond that is permanent and indissoluble. They may obtain a legal document of divorce from the governing authorities, they may separate from one another, and they may even become married to someone else; but before God, their marriage bond remains unbroken. This is why they are said to commit adultery and violate the indissoluble bond of marriage, even after obtaining a legal divorce, if they become joined to another.
You see, the marriage bond may be viewed as legally broken as a result of a divorce, but in the eyes of God, it’s still intact. And so, if a man divorces his wife in a way that is contrary to God’s law, he places her in a very vulnerable position; so that if she marries another man, the husband has led his own wife to commit adultery. And the man who marries her has married a woman who is still in a bond of marriage; and so, he too commits adultery. And if the first husband who had put away his wife then turns around and marries another, he too commits adultery.
And please understand what Jesus is doing in saying this. He is taking the matter away from the mere letter of the law, and on to the true spirit of the law. He shows that all parties involved become guilty of adultery; because, from the standpoint of the true spirit of the law, a bond of marriage has not truly been severed. And this is wrong because God is calling us to follow His own example of covenant faithfulness toward those He has committed Himself to.
Now, you are probably wondering, “But didn’t Jesus give an exception?” Didn’t Jesus say, “for any reason except sexual immorality”? The Greek word for “sexual immorality” is porneia, a very broad term that can refer to any kind of sexual immorality. Our English words fornication and pornography stem from this Greek word. It can certainly include marital unfaithfulness; but it also can include all other kinds of sexual sin.
That is the only reason Jesus gives that permits a person to get a divorce. Why? Because in the case of sexual immorality the marriage covenant has already been broken. Marriage is a permanent covenant in which God commanded the husband and wife to honor it for the rest of their lives. However, if one of the two breaks that covenant, God does not hold the innocent part responsible, and He permits divorce. But please know this: even in this case, God does not require divorce, He only permits it. What Jesus is saying is that if a man divorces his wife for anything less than sexual immorality, he then causes her to commit adultery and commits adultery himself.
This “exception” is an act of mercy from God toward those who are trapped in a situation in which their spouse is aggressively and habitually violating the marriage vow. But let’s remember: To focus on this exception clause and make it the key point of this passage is to commit the same error as the scribes and Pharisees had committed with respect to the letter of the law.
Some people rationalize that since they are in a marriage they do not like, the best thing to do would be to go ahead and commit adultery, then they can have their new relationship with a new marriage. They conclude that God will forgive them, and they can go on with life. After all, that would surely be better than being stuck in this awful present relationship for the rest of their lives. Would it? To my mind, that’s the ultimate expression of clinging to the mere ‘letter’ of the law and completely missing the ‘spirit’!
Jesus is calling His disciples to something higher than the mere letter of the law. He is not trying to teach them when they may or may not divorce. Rather, He is calling them to live the spirit of the law in their relationship to their spouses, to imitate the committed love of His own covenant-keeping Father toward them.
God is faithful to His covenant commitments. He not only stays committed to those He binds to Himself, but He also seeks to protect and defend them and advance the relationship of love He has with them. And we are to do the same. Wives are to behave toward their husbands as the church is to behave toward Christ. The wife is to submit to her husband out of reverence and love toward the Lord, just as the church is subject to Christ (Eph. 5:22-23). Husbands are to behave toward their wives as Christ behaves toward the church. The husband is to love his wife and give himself for her; sanctifying her and cleansing her ‘with the washing of water by the word’; seeking to beautify her and make her glorious for himself, just as Jesus does for the church (Eph. 5:24-28). We are to become so deeply moved by the love of God in His commitment toward us, that we will behave in the same way toward our spouses.
This leads us to . . .
3. Practical applications of Jesus’ teaching.
Now, let me suggest some practical implications of what Jesus taught here. Some will read these words of the Lord and realize that, after coming to Him and placing their faith in Him, they are now in a marriage that they entered disobediently. They divorced without biblical cause, being still bound to a husband or wife; and now, having entered into a marriage with another, they find that they are in a marriage that resulted in adultery. And of course, Deuteronomy 24:1-4 teaches us that it’s an “abomination before the Lord” to now divorce and go back to our former spouses. What does someone do in a case like that?
First, if this is the case you find yourself in, then it means you’re a sinner. And I hope that you know by now that, in the church of Jesus Christ, you are one among many others who are also recovering from their sins. And the good news is that Jesus died on the cross to take our sins away. So first, I would urge you to hold tightly to what the Bible says; that, “if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Confess the sin of having violated the covenant bond of marriage, and by becoming unbiblically joined to another. If you have repented and confessed your sin, God does not see you in a continual state of adultery. He forgives us and cleanses us.
Second, I would assert what Paul said to many others in the church of Corinth that found themselves to be in complicated marital situations – “Brethren, let each one remain with God in that state in which he was called” (1 Cor. 7:24). Don’t go back now and try to unscramble the egg; because that will only result in more sin. Having confessed your sin, trust in Christ’s forgiving grace, and commit yourself completely to God in your current marriage. Live and behave toward your spouse as God behaves in His covenant bond of love toward us.
Finally, if you are in a marriage that is difficult, and you are feeling the temptation and pressure to separate or divorce, then follow the example of God’s covenant commitment to love those He binds to Himself. As Paul writes, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you” (Eph. 4:31-32). Seek reconciliation, not divorce.
John Stott shares:
So, speaking personally as a Christian pastor, whenever somebody asks to speak with me about divorce, I have now for some years steadfastly refused to do so. I have made the rule never to speak with anybody about divorce, until I have first spoken with him (or her) about two other subjects, namely marriage and reconciliation. Sometimes a discussion on these topics makes a discussion of the other unnecessary. At the very least, it is only when a person has understood and accepted God’s view of marriage and God’s call to reconciliation that a possible context has been created within which one may regretfully go on to talk about divorce.[7]
Honor your marriage, honor the covenant with your spouse, love and forgive one another, and work towards reconciliation. God hates divorce, but He does not hate divorced people. We have all committed adultery in our hearts, and we are all in need of God’s grace and forgiveness. Just because society says something is ok, doesn’t mean God says it is ok. And if you have offended Him, you must seek His forgiveness. Praise God, He offers us that forgiveness through Jesus Christ His Son.
The Bible tells us that “God demonstrates His own love toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). We were utterly unworthy of that love. We were in rebellion against Him. And yet, He loved us enough to purchase us for Himself through the sacrifice of the cross. Jesus says, “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand. My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of My Father’s hand” (John 10:27-29). God is committed in love to the people He binds to Himself. He will never cease to love them. He will never let them go. Our God is a God of faithful and committed love.
18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.
Our text is very simple. It contains just three things: Adam naming the animals, God fashioning Eve from Adam’s side, and Adam and Eve getting married. This text describing the original marriage is the basis for almost everything else the Bible says about marriage. It explains God’s reason for designing marriage and also gives us many principles which, if applied, will enable us to build marriages which honor God and bring lasting joy to us. Genesis 2 makes it very clear that marriage is a central part of God’s plan for the human race.
While not everyone will get married, and not everyone should get married, the fact remains that most people will be married at some point in life. Not everyone who reads these words is married, and not everyone who is married is in a healthy, growing relationship. In some ways it doesn’t matter what your particular situation might be. We all need to hear what God’s Word has to say.
1. The problem for man (Gen. 2:18-20)
A. God’s Declaration
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” (Genesis 2:18).
Context is always crucial when we study the Bible. Throughout Genesis 1, God surveyed His work and pronounced it good (Gen. 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). In Genesis 2 God planted a well-watered garden in Eden filling it with plants and trees. The word “Eden” means pleasure, delight or luxury. God placed man in this luxurious Garden of Eden to tend and keep it (Gen. 2:15). So in this beautiful, bountiful garden was a newly formed man without sin in a perfect world.
That is why the Lord God’s words in Genesis 2:18 hit us so abruptly and unexpectedly, “It is not good that man should be alone.” What could possibly be “not good”? Here’s a sinless man, in perfect fellowship with God, in a perfect environment. What more could you want? Isn’t that enough? Not according to God! God’s evaluation was that the man needed a human companion to correspond to him.
God says, “I will make him a helper comparable to him.” This tells us two crucial things. First, God was moving to meet the problem of Adam’s loneliness. Adam was the king of creation, yet something was lacking. The perfection of Eden could not satisfy the void within. In all of creation, only one thing was not good. It was not good for Adam to be alone.
Second, the woman was the answer to the man’s loneliness. Sometimes super-spiritual people say that if you’re lonely, there must be something wrong with your spiritual life, “shouldn’t God be enough?” Yes, our relationship with God is primary and essential. But God also acknowledges our need for human companionship also. And the first human fellowship that God ordains is marriage. This is not to say that every person needs to be married. Most of us spend many years of life as a single person. Indeed, God has called some to remain single (1 Cor. 7:7-9). Nor is it to say that marriage will meet all our needs for human companionship. Most of us will still have friends outside of marriage. But it is to say that a main reason God designed marriage was to meet the human need for companionship.
God’s answer to Adam’s problem was not another man or a group of men. It was not a women in general or one woman after another. The answer to Adam’s need was one woman—given by God—with whom he could spend his life.
God says he will make him “a helper.” Some might wrongly picture in the word “helper” someone who sweeps the floor, makes the beds, prepares the meals, and in general serves the man. But the Hebrew word (עֵזֶר `ezer) is not demeaning at all. Moses uses this word when he names his son Eliezer (meaning God is my helper) saying (Exo. 18:4), “The God of my father was my help, and delivered me from the sword of Pharaoh.” This word is often used of God’s help for those in distress and for military assistance (Deut. 33:4, 7, 26, 29; Ps. 20:2; 33:20; 70:5; 89:19; 115:9-11; 121:2; 124:8; 146:5). It points to the fact that the husband needs and even depends on his wife’s support and help. God is helping man through woman. What a beautiful thought.
And she is not just any helper, she is (Gen. 2:18) “a helper comparable to him.” The word “comparable” literally means “like opposite to.” Some translate this “corresponding to” or “suitable for” (NASB). The picture is that the woman is the missing part of the man. She is his complement. Just as two interlocking jigsaw puzzle pieces are the perfectly opposite, yet the perfect fit, so a woman is the perfect complement of the man. They are alike, yet they are opposite. Just as Eve was fashioned so as to correspond to Adam in a physical way, so she complemented him socially, intellectually, spiritually and emotionally. God designed it so that the man needs the woman and the woman needs the man (see 1 Cor. 11:11). Both are equal persons and yet have distinct roles to fulfill.
That is God’s declaration. Having said that, we might expect the next verse to say something like, “So God created Eve.” Instead we get,
B. Adam’s Investigation (Gen. 2:19-20)
“Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field … ” (Genesis 2:19-20).
What is the point of Adam naming all the animals? The point is at the end of Genesis 2:20, “But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.” As Adam names the animals, God is preparing him for marriage. He is teaching him to be a leader. The power to name is the power of authority. It’s what God did in Genesis 1, naming the “day” and “night”, the “seas” and “earth”. By giving Adam the right to name the animals, God was training him to be the king of creation.
God was also training him to be a lover. By naming all the animals, Adam likely discovered that for every animal there were both male and female. As Adam surveyed the animals he saw Mr. Giraffe and Mrs. Giraffe, Mr. Crocodile and Mrs. Crocodile, Mr. Eagle and Mrs. Eagle. And so it went throughout the animal kingdom—always male and female. But where in all creation could he find a counterpart for himself? God was creating within Adam a gnawing hunger for a mate, a hunger God would soon meet in the creation of Eve. God first made Adam feel the need for a wife. By naming the animals Adam is learning the limitations of his power. He could rule the world but he had no one to share his joy.
Without a wife, he could never be a husband. Without a queen, he could never be a king. He had no one to talk to, no one to laugh with, no one to taste the ripe peaches with him, to run through the meadows by his side, and no one to nestle with him in the evening.
So Genesis 2:18-20 has shown us that man needs woman. Next we see,
2. God’s provision of woman (Gen. 2:21-23)
“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.”
A. God’s Operation
God made Adam out of the dust (Gen. 2:7). Why didn’t He make Eve out of the dust? Why did He make her from Adam’s rib (Gen. 2:21-22)? When the text mentions Adam’s ribs, the word is general, meaning “from his side.” I believe God took a rib plus some flesh, which is why Adam says “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.” The point is, Eve is literally fashioned from Adam. She comes from the essence of who he is. I believe God did it to show Adam that his wife was a part of him, equal with him, not a lower creation. A man is to cherish his wife as his own flesh (Eph. 5:28-29). As has often been observed, she was not taken from Adam’s head to rule over him, nor from his feet, that he should trample her down, but she was taken from his side that he would protect her and keep her close to his heart.
Moses’ description of the creation of Eve is a bit surprising when you stop to think about it. It says that God made or fashioned a woman from the man’s rib. “Made” is literally, “built.” The verb pictures God as a sculptor, carefully and deliberately shaping the woman into a creature who would meet Adam’s need. Since she was built by God, you could safely say that she was well-built!
Genesis 2:22 tells us that Adam didn’t just wake up and find Eve lying beside him. Rather, God “brought her to the man.” It’s like God was the father of the bride and He personally brought her to Adam. There was no courtship and no dating. The first marriage was an arranged marriage. God presented Eve to Adam. And Adam looks up and sees Eve, not in a wedding dress, but naked! I’m not making this up, it’s what the Bible says (Gen. 2:25).
B. Adam’s Celebration
“And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.’” (Genesis 2:23).
These are the first recorded words of the first man. They were not quite as mild as the various translations indicate. Adam’s speech in Genesis 2:23 begins with a poetic exclamation that unfortunately is lost in our English translations. “This is now” is an expression of joyous astonishment that means something like “Here, now!” or “This one, at last!” She is exactly what he has been longing for. Remember, Adam had been looking through all the animals for one corresponding to him and had come up empty. When God brought Eve to him, it’s like he shouted, “YES!”
Adam rejoices in God’s provision for his need. She is “bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh.” She is like him but also clearly she’s very different in several important ways. This verse means you’re made from the same stuff. You are joined so closely together that, as Paul notes in Ephesians 5:29, hating your spouse is like hating yourself. Adam accepts God’s gift on the spot. Proverbs 5:18 instructs young men to “Rejoice with the wife of your youth.” And Proverbs 18:22 reminds us, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD.” Husbands, do you treat your wife as God’s gift to you? When was the last time you thanked God for your wife? Husbands and wives, your spouse is God’s gift to you, His good gift! Live that way.
Next, Adam promptly names this new creation of God. He recognized that Eve was a part of him and named her accordingly: “She shall be called Woman [Heb., אִשָּׁה ‘ishshah] Because she was taken out of Man [Heb., אִישׁ ‘iysh].” While the sounds are similar, the roots of the two words are different. Appropriately ’ish may come from a root conveying the idea of ‘exercising power,’ while the term ’ishshah may be derived a word that means ‘to be soft’. Eve is taken from Adam, not Adam from Eve. Paul uses this priority in creation to make the point of male authority in 1 Timothy 2:13. This speaks of responsibility and spiritual accountability.
3. Timeless principles of marriage (Gen. 2:24-25)
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed” (Genesis 2:24-25).
In the closing verses of this chapter are Moses’ commentary on marriage. He lays out for us here the timeless principles of marriage. Genesis 2:24 begins, “Therefore” and has the sense of “for this reason” which is how Jesus says it when He quotes this verse in Matthew 19:5. Because God has designed marriage from the start; because the woman is the perfect complement of the man; because she is bone of man’s bone and flesh of his flesh—these things hold true. Marriage is:
A. An Exclusive Relationship
God did not create a father and mother for Adam, nor a child, but a wife. Marriage involves leaving and cleaving. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother.” This means that the marriage relationship is primary, not the parent-child relationship. If you read through the Old Testament you will find that it was not the custom either before Moses or after Moses for a man to physically leave his father and mother when he took a wife. The custom was for a man to marry and remain in his father’s household, like Isaac did with Abraham and Jacob’s sons did with their father. Rather, it was the custom for the wife to join the family of the husband. So when Moses says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother,” it must be understood as an instruction for the priority, loyalty and intimacy that a man will give his wife. His first obligations and loyalties are to his wife. We are to leave our parents emotionally and financially in order to form a new family with our mate. The cord must be cut. This doesn’t mean abandoning parents or cutting off contact with them. But it does mean that a person needs enough emotional maturity to break away from dependence upon his parents to enter marriage. And parents need to raise their children with a view to releasing them.
Not only must there be a leaving, but there must also be a cleaving. Genesis 2:24 goes on, “… and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” The word “joined” means “to stick to like glue.” So when you get married, you’re stuck! And it’s a good stuck! After Jesus quoted this verse, He added, “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6). This means that the marriage relationship must be built primarily on commitment, not on feelings of romantic love. Romantic love is important, but the foundation of marriage is a commitment of the will. It is a covenant before God (Mal. 2:14; Prov. 2:17). Commitment is what glues a couple together through the difficulties that invariably come.
Of necessity this demands an exclusive commitment that removes the possibility of looking around to see if we can get a partner we like better. In our culture we symbolize that commitment with a wedding ring. Someone has said that the wedding ring is a small piece of jewelry on your finger that cuts off your circulation. Marriage is an exclusive relationship. The text says, “To his wife,” not “wives.” Monogamy is God’s design: One man, one woman for life. Although God tolerated polygamy in Old Testament times, it was not His original intention. God easily could have created many wives for Adam, but He did not. Although God tolerates divorce today, it is not God’s original plan. One man, one woman, for life–that’s God’s design.
Marriage is not only meant to be an exclusive relationship, it is meant to be,
B. An Intimate Relationship
Genesis 2:24 ends, “and they shall become one flesh.” To become “one flesh” starts with the sexual relationship in marriage. “One flesh” is more than physical intimacy, of course, but it isn’t less than that. Out of the physical union comes a profound fusion of two hearts, two minds, two bodies, two personalities until they are so intertwined that it is hard to know where one ends and the other begins. In a good marriage the most important word is “ours,” not “mine” or “yours.” And as couples live together for a long time, they begin to act alike and sound alike and even to look alike. They even begin to think alike.
Sin always hinders intimacy, even in marriage. As soon as Adam and Eve sinned, they recognized their nakedness and began to hide themselves, not only from God, but also from one another. While as fallen sinners we can never experience what Adam and Eve knew with one another before the fall, to the extent that we deal with our sin before God and one another and grow in holiness, we will grow in personal intimacy. It takes constant work! Good marriages aren’t the result of luck in finding the right partner. They’re the result of couples who work daily at walking openly and humbly before God and with each other.
C. An Open Relationship
Genesis 2:25 tells us, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” This is both literal and figurative. It describes a relationship where there is nothing hidden because there is nothing to hide. In our world, we can’t walk around naked. Just talking about it now makes most of us uncomfortable. But in marriage a part of that original transparency can be regained. In the security of a lifetime loving commitment, a husband and wife can relax and feel comfortable together and slowly the walls can begin to come down. It is the work of decades. And that’s why you can be married 20, 30, 40, 50 years and still discover new things about each other. You are recapturing some of what Adam and Eve experienced in the beginning. That’s what it means—at a very deep level—to be naked and not ashamed.
A healthy marriage is the work of a lifetime. God has ordered the universe so that it is simply impossible for newlyweds to fully enter into a transparent relationship. That comes after years of hard work. Being newly married does have its own rewards, most notably the joy of taking the first few steps on a journey that will take a lifetime to complete. But God has seen fit to ordain that a good marriage gets better with age. That one fact ought to give hope to every struggling couple reading these words. God fully intends that your marriage be better next year than it is this year. Before you give up on your marriage, why not give God a chance to see what he can do?
Conclusion
Marriage was God’s first gift to the human race. Is a young man wrong to feel a desire for a young woman? No. Is it wrong for a woman to desire the companionship of a man? No. That desire is placed in the human heart by God. God planned the human heart for love, marriage, companionship, home and children.
A little boy sat through a Sunday School class and learned about the time Jesus went to a wedding and turned water into wine. “And what did you learn from that story?” asked his father. The boy thought for a moment and answered, “If you’re having a wedding, make sure Jesus is there.” That’s good advice. Put Jesus at the center of your marriage and no matter what else happens, you will truly live happily ever after.
The Bible says that God created marriage for a purpose bigger than itself: Marriage is a picture of the believer’s relationship with God. After discussing marriage and quoting Genesis 2:24, Paul writes, “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:32). Marriage is an earthly picture of the spiritual relationship that exists between Christ, the bridegroom, and the church, His bride. A husband and wife are one flesh; we are one spirit with the Lord (1 Cor. 6:17). Just as the church is to be subject to Christ, so the wife is to be subject to her husband. Just as Christ loves the church, so a husband is to love his wife. Just as the marital union results in children, so the union of the Lord and His church is to result in many offspring, to God’s glory.
That’s why it’s so important for you to work at developing a Christ-honoring relationship with your spouse. You’re working on a portrait of Christ and the church, and the world is looking over your shoulder. God’s glory is at stake!
